Loving an addict or an alcoholic is a traumatic experience. As we cycle between safety and dread, our bodies store the pain deep in our cells. The reason this pain goes so deep is that we live in fear of expressing it honestly. We have developed the habit of walking on eggshells as we try to hold our life together - releasing our emotions does not feel safe.
I want to offer some safe ways you can begin to let your pain flow up and out. The pain may feel like anger at first and that is okay. Anger is a higher-level emotion that feels better than the powerless feelings life with an addict can bring. Simply put, anger allows you to feel more powerful.
The important thing to remember is not to direct your anger at your addict. As you have probably already discovered, venting in that direction only makes things worse. You can, however, still move through the layers of anger in a healthy way.
Go ahead and yell, moan, stomp, punch, swear, but do it privately. Some clients go to their cars (parked safely) and let loose with all they need to say. They find that just voicing it is healing and soon realize that they can speak more freely and honestly than if human ears were listening. Other clients yell into a pillow. Making noise seems to be very healing for us. What would work for you?Once you have dissolved your angry shell, you may start to feel your more authentic emotions. Are you afraid? Helpless? Overwhelmed? Ashamed? Discouraged? Hopeless? Sad? Just getting to the truth of what you are really feeling can be a healing moment. Give yourself permission to feel your truth. It will not make you weak; it will make you more resilient.
Loving an Addict Or an Alcoholic - How to Safely Release Your Anger